May 14, 2009

The Country Life: Snakes

I'm going to start informing ya'll about the country life. It's dangerous folks. If you've ever thought that you might want to move to the country to live a better quality of life, listen to the birds and grow corn.....well let me tell ya, I brush with death often.

Look what tried to kill me today:
It's true. I went outside for about 30 minutes to look at my flowers, listen to the birds(it ain't all pretty though folks), walk up to get the mail and to just enjoy the beautiful sun-shiney day. I come back down the drive to go back into the house. I had only one door unlocked which was by the garage door. Right where I need to go is THIS MONSTER!! Now I don't usually like to use foul language on my blog but I neeeeeed to say it like it is so you get the real deal. I literally about crapped my shorts right there on the spot, people.

This monster was all curled up with his slithery body just waiting for a good meal. You can't tell from the picture but he was about 6 feet long and 3 feet around and his fangs were so long they looked like stilts!! Seriously, I wouldn't mislead you. I screamed for what went on for 30 seconds or so and back pedalled so fast across the driveway, I looked like a fast blowing breeze.

Now what do I do? I'm being stalked by this spineless monster that wants to eat me for lunch and I cannot escape. He's blocking the only open entrance into my house. I think surely he will sliter away if I throw stuff at him. So after about twenty or a 1,000 rocks, he's not only NOT moving, he's hissing and striking at me. Niiiiiiice. Just so you know, I was about 95% sure that this wasn't a rattle snake because he didn't have the diamonds on his back, or the coloring or the rattles on his tail. But don't kid yourself people, he still wanted to kill me right then and there. I could almost swear I saw his jaws dislocate in anticipation.

So the rocks aren't working. So I'm thinking that maybe I could throw the mail at it one piece at a time and it would be on it's way. First up is the stupid birthday post card that my insurance guy sends me. His secretary signs it for him and like he really cares about my birthday anyway. So I flick it at the monster. I miss. Next up is the 100th piece of Netflix junk mail I've gotten this month. It's heavier so I'm thinking this will work. I miss but the snake gets even more hissier. I'm down to my last piece of mail......an honest to goodness, real life birthday card. I didn't want to sacrifice it but I had to. I miss. Dang. DOUBLE dang, what do I do now?

I look around the yard and find this big board that Eric has in his pickup bed. Yes! I can shield myself from the monster's deadly fangs and make my get away into the house. The entire time that I walk closer to the garage door, the snake is eyeing me and striking. Nice, I can see the headlines now. *Fat woman with ugly plaid shorts, ratty shirt, no make-up or bra and giant board.....killed by snake in her own drive way*.

Against all odds, I make a run for it. The snake strikes at me some more but I make it! I immediately snap a photo of it from the inside window and send it to Eric via cell phone. He calls me and says...*Why don't you just get the broom and shoo it away*. Um helllo? This thing would use the broom for a toothpick!!!!! I decide I needed a better photo so that I could have evidence of what about killed me. So I step out onto the deck and take a closer photo.

Just then my dad drives by in his farm buggy. I wave him down frantically and he comes down the drive. I tell him to be careful but to come look at this snake. He comes closer, hoe in hand. My dad says *Well, I think it'll be alright, it's not a rattler*. Just then the snake strikes at Dad. And then my dad chops his head off and says *We'll have none of that!* Ya right, you're scared of him too Dad!!!

I thank Dad and tell him that I'm so glad he was driving by. He said *Well I kinda had to, Eric called me.* OMG, my husband calls my dad to come rescue me!!! All is well now and I'm safe and sound inside!!

So see, I feel compelled to tell you about country life. It's not all about fresh veggies and hay rack rides.

136 comments:

Debra said...

This is so my life! I love the counry, but then it's all I know! The part about no bra or make-up is so me also. Glad you're ok.

Lisa G said...

OMG....you are too funny woman! But totally understandable and thank goodness Eric understood the crisis situation for what it was and sent help! You gotta love daddys! :) BTW, happy birthday Mish!

Sara said...

I want to scream just reading about it!! I would've reacted the same way...no snakes or rodents for me.

Dawn said...

OMG! I feel for you.. I have a horrible phobia of snakes and up here in Southern Alberta, Rattle Snakes are everywhere!!! You are MUCH braver than me!! Happy Birthday BTW!!

Michelle said...

ROTFL - haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa - - I would have had the house and kids packed up and ready to move to the big city - - SNAKES!!! NOOOOOOOOO WAY. LOL @ your husband called your dad...toooo funny!! And I get that same insurance birthday card too ... it's usually the first one that comes in the mail.... Hope the rest of your day is less...um....scary?

Dawn McVey (dawnsing) said...

Oh my goodness Mish, I'm so glad you're still alive!!! You're so brave to live out there in the wild, wild country. It's hard for me to even think about it..... you could have been killed and then where would we be?? Did you say that snake was 6ft long? It looks like it's at least a 16 footer in the picture. Thank goodness you're safe and sound.

LOL! Love ya, you funny girl!!

Julie Masse said...

Eeeeewwww, eeewwww and double eeeewwww!! This is why I live in the country in Maine - we have no such creatures (except for the occasional grass snake) . . .no tornadoes, hurricanes, or earthquakes - just lots of snow in the winter! ;) Country life can be safe Mish - move to Maine - LOL! Glad you're safe & sound! :)

Steph said...

Holy Cow! That is crazy! I have freaked over MUCH smaller snakes! I would've died of a heart attack just by looking at it! Glad you made it into the house!

Molly B said...

ROFLMBO! You are too funny. I am deathly afraid of snakes. To the point that I freeze up and scream like I am being chopped into tiny pieces whenever I see one. And we really only have garden snakes here in Maine, maybe some other kinds too but I'm not getting close enough to tell the diff. I would never survive with man-eaters like the one you saw around! You are a brave woman! Oh, and can I borrow your superhero-snake-killing Dad? -Molly B

Sanditerese said...

You are too funny! I came across a snake while I was running one day and it scared the crap out of me. I've never been back to that area. Happy Birthday!

Anonymous said...

o.m.g. I am going to be honest and tell you I was chuckling while reading this but ONLY because I'm a major citygirl until I had moved to Texas...and um...yeah, I had moments very similar to your experience, only with bugs. You are soooo right - don't be fooled by the thought of a nice quiet country homestead - there's definitely icky things out there! So glad you are a-ok though. Virtual Hugs to ya! -ElizabethB

Cassandra said...

SOOOOO funny! But still scary too. I would have done the same thing. That was so sweet that your husband called your Dad to come rescue you!

Jerri-Lea said...

I'm glad that you escaped alive!! I can totally understand your near death experience! I nearly had a biking accident while trying to avoid a pencil sized snake that was in my path... hate the darn things... though try to be brave around my two girls... even went on a snake hunt with my nieces... brave me!!

Mary said...

Didn't mean to snicker while reading of your impending doom but I was picturing it all in my head...and I would have reacted the same way *(and wouldn't be wearing make-up or a bra either!)
Happy birthday - have a snake-free day!

Chelle said...

omg...i peed my pants a little...yes, while laughing at your expense...so thank you, i needed some comic relief in my life...

i do have plans to move to the country...or at least something 'countrier' than so cal...may have to rethink that plan...thank you for taking one for the team and warning us unsuspecting city folk...
chelle

Julia said...

O.k. seriously...that was funny! I had an experience like that, only it was a mouse! And my father-in-law had to save me too! (Course he did think I was a little silly being afraid of a mouse. But, hello! I'm sure they could eat me in an hour or two!) If they brought their friend (which they always DO) even less!
You are a very brave woman...I have so much respect for you!

Gabriela said...

Well bra or no bra you now need to update your profile to add "snake charmer". Happy birhtday kiddo.

Anthonette said...

That snake looks huge! Ewwww! I had a similar scare a few days ago. I almost picked up a small snake while doing yard work. Here's a picture:
http://twitpic.com/4zpco

I don't live in the country...I live in the suburbs in California. I see at least one snake a year.

2stampis2b said...

What a hoot! I live in the country but up in the mountains and rattlesnakes abound here. I'm not skeered of snakes, in fact, I usually run to get my camera to take a macro shot of them, even rattlesnakes (ok, a little farther away than macro on those because we find them 48 inches long here). Spiders on the other hand scare me so bad I nearly have heart failure. Big or small, hate 'em all. What kind of snake did you decide it was? Is it a bullsnake or something?

Anyway happy birthday! I hope you get some better gifts than your lovely snake! You think your insurance guy's card is bad...wait until you get a card from the AARP at the ripe old age of 50! My mom called me when she turned 50 and thought I had sent it as a joke!

Janet said...

Eeek! I'm still grimacing. We also live in the country, so I'm constantly teasing my hubby that his primary job is to protect me from the spiders and rodents. I think he'd probably draw the line at snakes, so we'd end up calling my dad for help, too!

Handmade Creations by Stephanie said...

Oh my gosh I'm so glad you didn't get hurt. I live out in the country and honestly I could do without some of the wildlife bears,snakes and alot of other creatures. Happy Birthday.

Kelly said...

OMG - I would have been scared too!

dolcreations said...

Michelle..as I'm reading your story I'm laughing so hard, because I would have been the exact same way!!! Actually we live out in the country and I was playing with the dog and suddenly the dog is distracted by something I check it out...OH MY GOODNESS, its a darn snake. I ran so fast and now the kids are giving the dog a run until I forget about the trauma I went through.....It must be that time of year or something. That snake is ugly....I wonder what kind he was. Oh well who cares I hope it does not have friends.
Happy Birthday!!!!!!
Christine

Angela S. said...

wow, that is a crazy snake story!!! i would have freaked out! what kind of birthday gift is that???

Maureen L. said...

I feel for ya! That can happen in the city too. I had nightmares about the giant voracious sidewinder i saw in my back yard(really about a 2 foot long garter snake - but in my dreams it was Horrible). Glad you survived relatively unscathed ;o)

Danni said...

I am so thankful that the snake didn't get ya!!

Lorri said...

I am laughing so hard right now, where do you live Michelle? I live in AZ and let me tell you, we had a snake INSIDE OUR HOUSE! I FEEL your fear and pain!!! I can't wait to see the scrapbook page that goes along with this story. Just copy and paste what you wrote in your blog entry.
What kind of HERO/SNAKE card will you make your dad for Father's Day??? Thanks for the giggle of the day.

Tami McBeain (tmarie) said...

I freaked out just looking at the picture of this devilish monster! EEKKKK! So glad you made it out alive and lived to tell about it! LOL! If I saw that in my yard, I would never step outside again, you're a braver woman than I. Oh yeah...Happy Birthday Mish!

Andrea said...

Ohhhh Mish I feel for ya honey! YUCK YUCK YUCK!!! My kids have taken to picking up the snakes at my mom's pond - eeeeeeew!!!! The story about your dad and him killing it and your husband calling him ROCKS!!! Give those men a huge hug! (not that we NNEEEEED them to save us - but boy is it nice when they do!)

lisa k in tx said...

I was about peeing my pants during this whole thing! You are too funny! I can picture every detail. Bad snake! Lisa K in tx

Nikki Schmaltz said...

I would have pooped my drawers too. I HATE snakes. Love the country except for those crappy things. Glad your dad could be your hero. Dad's are the best:)

akagreenhouse said...

This is one main reason I live in the city!!!

Spicey Cat Chick said...

I can relate! I'm a country girl by birth but a city girl at heart. I'd have reacted the exact same way! I'm so glad you weren't attacked and Mr. Snake is probably much happier in animal heaven than dealing with the psycho lady throwing stuff at him. GREAT STORY!!

Dottie K. said...

OMG I'm sitting here LOL. I would have been walking down the road looking for help no matter what I looked like. No way would have I tried to get by it. I'm terrified of snakes and I'm a city girl. Good thing Eric called your Dad. I think your dad deserves a well earned treat for saving you from the big awlful creature. Now you don't have to worry about him coming back. I didn't even want to look at that photo-eeewwww. OK onto a happier note - Mish-Happy Birthday! :)

Lynnette said...

Ewww, snakes. I'm no fan. I'm glad you survived unscathed :) LOL

MichelleY said...

Poor Mishie! It's hard to imagine why God created snakes. The only thing they're good for are the laughs when we hear about close calls with unsuspecting country folk. Thank goodness Eric was thinking and called your father to come to the rescue.

BTW.....are you getting a new snake skinned purse for your birthday? Have a good one!

Jingle said...

Oh, my LOU! That was hilarious! LOL! And not unlike what would have happened had it been us. Very well written! LOL!

Cindy Lyles said...

I wet my pants laughing at your hilarious post Mishie - OMG - spew alert!!!!

ms.cheryl said...

You have me in tears laughing so hard but I totally understand. I too live in the country and still get the occassional snake surprise. It's always a surprise. Last year I had a yard sale and I moved a large truck toolbox and mr. sneaky snake was coiled underneath. It was not the usual so it got the shovel treatment pronto. A dead snake is the best snake! ms.cheryl

Cindy Vernon said...

I am a city girl so I have no idea what you go through but your story had me laughing! My favorite was the part with your dad. Every girl still needs her dad to rescue her now and then.

Lynn P. said...

So glad you're okay - well as okay as one can be having to face that slimey monster - I hate snakes too.

Now - since you're okay - ROTFLM
BO - tears are rolling down my face. You could write a column for the papers - Loved your descriptions.

V said...

Gah! One day soon we're building a house just outside the city limits. I shall be officially a country girl.

I don't do snakes.

BTW, yours looks like it was once a King Snake and if that's the case, it wasn't poisonous. Annoyed as heck, but still. :)

Bohemian Gypsy said...

LOL Michelle I nearly peed my pants reading your snake story!!!! I have a terrible phobia with snakes and I think I would have died of a heart attack right then on the driveway and the snake could've eaten me for dinner lol. I'm glad you are okay though but you tell a really wonderful descriptive yarn. Glad you dad was able to swing by. My motto "Best snake is a dead snake"
Regards
Michelle M
Australia

Anonymous said...

LOL!! Thanks for a good laugh.
I've had a few encounters with snakes so I feel your pain.

eggette said...

OMG....although I was laughing while reading this...I was also cringing in horror....I would have high-tailed it outta there never to be seen or heard from again!! But then again if the snake had of eaten me, it would have been the same ending!! Thank goodness for your dad, no matter how he got there!!

Laura said...

I hear ya, girl! I live in the country too, and have been "surprised" once too many by these woodland "friends". My husband actually made what he calls a "snake stick" that captures them by the head so you can drag them down to the woods. You don't see me anywhere near the stick or the snake!

A Little This and Alot of That said...

I think I would have had a heart attack....I am so scared of snakes....

Jacque said...

OMG! There would have been no way! I live in Texas and I know there here but I don't do snakes. AHHH! Just glad your okay.

Kirsten said...

I laughed my head off!!! This reminds me of my mom stories about snakes, she lives in the country too!

Michelle H in IL said...

I screamed and recoiled from the computer when I opened your blog and saw the photo! My husband had a nice laugh at that. Where do you live? I grew up in Louisiana and often found water moccasins and copperheads in my yard (and for that reason will never move back there) but never blocking me from getting inside! Glad you are okay. Please have one of your beautiful projects waiting for me the next time I click on your blog!

Carol (HB) said...

OMG! Now that I have had to change my undies! LOL!
Mishie, you sooo totally crack me up! I think Eric owes you a big night out in town for having to deal with that monster!

Kristy Vernon said...

Loved your story! I can just imagine you throwing the mail at the snake...that's my favorite part :). So, what kind of snake was it? Enjoy the country...it's my dream to live in the country.

Janet Z said...

OMG!! You've got me screaming and laughing!! YUK!! YUK!!! YUK!!!

Anonymous said...

Hi Mish! First of all, let me tell you that your blog is my very favorite. I look for it every day!

I have a Copics question for you. I am VERY new to all of this, and I love how you use Copics, so I got me several. I tried to use them on some cardstock to make a card. It bled around the lines really badly. Do you think maybe my cardstock is not good enough? It's just some I got at Michaels. Or is there something I don't know about coloring with them. Thanks for your help. BTW....I LOVED your snake story!
Kathy
mcentyres@sbcglobal.net

Jana said...

OK, I am LOL. Had it been me? I've have to move! I am not a country girl.

aussiestamper said...

I am sitting here in my suburban house in Australia and laughing my head off, you are so funny girl. I can't stand mice and yet they aren't dangerous. Oh thanks for making me laugh so much, so glad though you are ok. As sad as it might be your dad killed it, at least you know he (the snake) won't be back! Happy Birthday too. Denise in Oz

Chris said...

Oh my goodness. I hate snakes!!!! You are much braver than I am. I would have stayed away and been outside until someone came home to get rid of it. So glad that you are ok.

Jo R. said...

Oh Mish, I was cringing and chuckling at the same time as I read your story about the voracious monster lying in wait for you! Snakes freak me out! This is one birthday you won't forget! Have a happy birthday and maybe a nice strong margarita!

Elaine said...

EWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Jimmy ain't crackin no corn with that baby hangin round the front door...MISH, I'm sorry that you had to go through all that. I would have died...and the snake would have eaten me. And hubby would have come home and seen that fat belly snake and felt real real bad! lol

Cammie said...

OMG--I can so relate. I thought the cat had lost a toy under a piece of furniture, so I looked. No toy, but the cat sure is interested, so I assume a mouse. Not a mouse, so when my hubby comes in 30 minutes later, I tell him. He starts to move furniture..no mouse... a snake, only three feet! I had my face down on the floor looking for a stupid toy that was really a snake. That was only a week after a bat was in the house. Thank goodness for the men in our lives!

Wendi said...

This is better than reality TV! I'm laughing at your great story.
I'm sad for you, I would have had a heart attack, I'm sure of that! Glad you're OK. Happy Birthday!

HeatherC said...

Eeeeewwwww! You go girl though! So brave, I tell you! Thanks for the laugh- I know that it was not funny in the moment, but it sure gave me a laugh and the creepy crawlies just reading about it!

Betsy V said...

HOLY COW Mish!! I would have died. I have this horrible phobia of snakes. I would have to get myself out of the country. literally. YUCK!!

Elizabeth Bracco said...

You are killin' me with this story. I am just as terrified of snakes as you apparently. A long handled hoe is always my answer to the problem. ;) Go dad!! I lived in the country in IL until I was 14 and then moved to AK. Now I throw rocks at the moose who are eating the trees we paid part of our kids college $$ for. ;) And, I holler at them 'eat the free trees'. Glad you are ok and the evil, fang bearing serpent is dead.

Lorie said...

There are already so many comments but I just had to tell you how funny you tell this story! I would have been TERRIFIED!!! You are way more brave than I! :o)

Arlana said...

Oh im so gald you are okay. i hate snakes. I live in the country too and we have snakes too. I hate that part about the country. You never know hat might be around. I saw the biggest bug i have ever seen while bulding my new house creepy. It was huge like 5 or 6 inches and had huge eyes and was green I was scared half out of my whits. Anyway gald you okay!!!

Carolyn said...

Unbelievable. I would have passed out if I saw a snake that big. I freak out from worms. I'm stayin' in the city. Thank god for Dads!

Katie said...

Not exactly the eye candy I was expecting...but the story that went along with it was well worth the read! I had a roommate in college who would tape card stock over the pictures of snakes and spiders in her textbook for a First Aid type class...without those 'coverings' she would freak out...you are not alone!

By the way, while living in Brazil, our neighbor killed a lizard (about 2 feet long). We had 2-3" gaps under the doors...it could have easily had us for a midnight snack!

Amber said...

Love your post Michelle and it sure makes me feel better that I'm not the only one living in the country! I've learned a hoe is a girl's bestfriend out here and black snakes keep the mean snakes away! I almost stepped on a copperhead last week, luckily I had my little pink rain boots on! Life in the country is dangerous!

Karen H. (kthaman) said...

ACK! I've owned a snake before (a python) but that pic is *scary*.

I'm so glad your Dad took care of it :) Dads are the bestest!

Anonymous said...

OMG I about screamed when I clicked on your blog to see some eye candy...only to find one of the things I am SCARED of! Woman, next time you're going to post a picture of a snake WARN us, pretty, pretty please! Gawd my heat is still racing....Anywhoo...I'm glad you're okay and that the wooden plank was thankfully right there to save you. You are extremely brave and quick thinking-because honestly, I wouldn't know what to do if that happened to me (and I live in Florida, where the snakes are a plenty too!). And that bad boy looked bad. Thank God for your dad. Maybe I should buy a shovel and a hoe just in case? Or maybe invest in a wooden plank because you never know when you're going to need it to shield yourself from nasty creatures. OMG. I'm going to run to Home Depot tomorrow. J/K

Anonymous said...

Oh geex, you did warn us about the snake thing...SORRY. I'm simply still feeling the creeps thinking about that bad boy!

Vina said...

Wow! I'm glad you survived that horrific ordeal! You're such a great storyteller..you had me on the edge of my seat with anticipation & rolling on the floor laughing at the same time! Happy Birthday!!

The Country Rose said...

Wow! I can so relate! We live in the country too and we have had a total of four snakes over the years get into our 'house' somehow. One of those came home in the bag of apples from the grocery store! Thankful that we have two cats who are not only excellent mousers- they are also excellent snakers ;o). My daughter and I killed a copperhead down by our barn a couple of years ago, but we don't see them very often- thankfully! We mostly have black snakes and they will rear up and hiss at you if you try to shoo them on their way. I hate snakes too so I have complete empathy for you!

Cynthia said...

OMG!!!! That thing looks HUNGRY!!!I can't stand snakes they give me the chills.I was laughing so hard reading your story and also was thinking that would of be me too.I had a Habu right next to me about 10 feet or so I was talking to a friend in the back yard and I was standing at the door.It was dark and we had jungle woods on the side of our house.It was stretched out on the sidewalk to get the heat from the sun.I didn't see it but my friend said Cynthia don't move there is a snake on your right side just slowly walk this way.As soon as I heard that I looked at it a ran up the hill screaming.I think I wet my pants I was so scared.They are very dangerous snakes.The snake guy that came to get it said it was maiting season so there might be a mail around my house to.For like a month I didnt let the kids play in the yard.
I had dreams about that dang snake for weeks.
I'm glad your okay and he didn't eat you.He looks mean.

Happy Birthday Mish and hopefully no more snakes near the house!

janice said...

{shriek} i would have been in a fetal position rocking until someone found me...

Cheryl (aka CherylQuilts) said...

Your story is so funny! Have you considered writing a book? I don't always thoroughly read blogs, but I always do yours...so entertaining! But EW is right...I hate snakes!!

Kim G said...

I love this!! We live in the middle of Illinois and my daughter and her family live a couple miles away. We have had one at our house and three at their house and her husband "hates" them, but my granddaughter (7) can pick them up (after they are dead) and carry them toward her dad and he about comes unglued. Get that @#*$# snake out of here and I'm not kidding!!! Glad you are OK!!

Chris said...

In the suburbs where we live, the worst thing was a baby bat one night in our living room. I don't know who was more frightened the bat or my husband and I .We put a canning jar over him as he rested on the wall and shoved the lid on top.We took him outside and he disappeared(we didn't watch).
Happy Birthday, I hate those insurance cards too)

Elaine said...

Loved your snake story! Yes country life is not without it's perils. I am quite well-known (at least amongst the three of us) for my "snake scream"! It starts out in the low range and goes up about four octaves! Hubby knows it's time to come running with the hoe! Enjoy your day and stay away from snakes! Another Kansas girl.

Leigh OBrien said...

Oh, Michelle, I giggled out loud at your story....sooo funny! That thing would have eaten you for sure...you can't be too careful when dealing with giant serpents. We had something along those lines in the tree out back of our house right after we moved in...it was huge! We don't even live in the country, mind you. Eeeek....good thing good ole dad "happened" by to save the day...how else would you have retrieved your birthday wishes!?

Debbie Fisher (debbiedee) said...

yes, definitely country life.

I HATE snakes, but DH wants to know if you know what kind it is. He loves snakes and has never seen one like that.

patriciad said...

What a way to start the day...reading this hysterical post. You are a funny funny girl! This should keep me smiling all day. But hey, how about a card? Hm???

Paula Barin said...

Oh my gosh!!! What an ordeal. I live in the city and we have a different kind of snake:)

I know it was a scarry thing but the way you described it made me laugh.
Glad you're ok.

Marie-Précieuse said...

OMG! I think I would just have fainted and the BEAST would have eaten me up! You're sooooo courageous! Way to go. :) I love the city. ;) Just because of the snakes actually. :)
By the way, I love your blog and your work.
Thanks for the laugh and for the inspiration.
Marie from Switzerland

Sue at Stampndaly said...

I'm scared to go in my garden since I recently found a 2.5 foot snake skin in it. I can't imagine if I actually did see a snake. I guess I would get more stamping done and less gardening.

Charlene said...

I'm LOL...my husband had a snake "chase" him many years ago...said it was waiting for him when he stepped out of the car. He ran to the front door, for which he didn't have a key, and beat on it until I got there to let him in....breathless, and madder n' a snake...hee,hee!

Stacy said...

Your story so cracked me up only because I live the same way out in the boondocks where the snakes and bears and coyotes live. Pretty scary out in the country. I don't like snakes either and when they slither into my yard it is just like signing a death warrant. They all die in my yard. Yuck!!! I am so glad that you survived your brush with death or otherwise we wouldn't have any lovely projects to look at anymore. HAHA! Have fun this summer with all the wildlife.

Mimi M. said...

I am rolling on the ground laughing.....

Gerri K said...

Mish, you are hysterical. Have you ever considered getting published. That was the best story!!! You had me laughing out loud! And it's true!

Margaret de Witt said...

Thanks for a great laugh. I live in the country and if I saw anything bigger than a gardener snake I would have had the same reaction.
Wishing you a belated Happy Birthday!
:)

Charlette said...

Well Michelle you are much braver then I. I don't know where I would have ran but it would have been somewhere! I'm not a big fan of cell phones but in your case and all country girls carry it at all times! Your story really made me laugh, because I live in PA in what we refer to as the burbs and I will not go in my back yard because I am afraid to get a tick on me. So snakes I don't do! So glad you are ok. Dad's are always are HEROS! Hope you had a GREAT Birthday!

Shelley said...

Best story ever!! You totally cracked me up.

Misti said...

Michelle-- Oh, I can relate!! I had a snake in my garage this week!!! *shudder* I do love country life... except for the snakes.

Barbara M said...

OMG...just read your story YIKES!!! A city lady here, I would have ran to a neighbors... OK if none around, not good. This why I live in the city. WOW Iam glad that was not me. Thank goodness your DAD was there to help and to get back in the house BRAVE. Take care.

Laura said...

OMG Michelle; I am SO GlAD you are okay. I have to say that I was cringing while reading your post. I am DEATHLY afraid of snakes and cry almost everytime I see one, even in pictures. I can't watch the snake scene in the Indian Jones movie; it's PURE TORTURE!

MICHELLE'S DAD TO THE RESCUE; WOO HOO!!!

Jarie said...

Glad the monster didn't get you. Enjoyed your story. Glad you DH sent your dad to take care of you.
LOL.

Janet

tinkerfeet said...

That is so funny. I live the desert on 80 acres and I got up and went into the living room and there was a mohave green rattle snake just looking at me. I back out and told my husband who then went in there and shot it. He came back to me and said that should take care of it. So I can really understand how you felt.

Pat (mspfd) said...

I felt your pain! I have had more than my share of snake encounters when we lived on a wooded lot!

Linda w said...

Oh Mish I so feel for you. Even though I was laughing I am so glad that you handled the snake and that your Dad came to your rescue. I think he deserves a special card for Father's Day this year. A big thanks goes to your dh for his fast thinking too.

thanks much

Anonymous said...

This was a great, fun read! Thanks for sharing your incredible snake encounter in such a "creative" way!

Anonymous said...

Loved your snake story Mish! You are a great storyteller! (and so funny too, you always make me smile or melt my heart with your stories). Have a great birthday! :)
Tammie in MN

Jen Book said...

OH Mish, I am sitting here laughing like crazy (actually I think the kids think I'm crazy!!! lol). Your story is soooo something that would happen around here. Been a country girl all my life (thank goodness we have no poisonous varieties around here) and am terrified of snakes!!! A few years after I got married I was cleaning out my herb garden (the spearmint had taken over - FYI always plant the pot in the ground to avoid spreading) and I realized what I originally thought was root was actually a snake on my shovel I dropped it and ran screaming around my house for my husband. He went to investigate and all I heard was him howling. Apparently when digging the mint I chopped it in half!! We never found the head end! To this day I have not stepped foot back into that particular bed. I feel for you - hope the rest of your day turned out better!!! Happy Birthday!!

Amy said...

LMAO off (sorry for the vulgarity!), Mish!! I was alerted to your post by my cousin who is hopelessly addicted to your blog, not that I don't stop by at least every other day, but I'm sure glad she left me a voicemail to do so!

Ain't country life grand?! Ü

Winnie said...

I would pass out if it were in my path..I am a NYC girl and freak out when crickets get in the basement..I have to call for reinforcements!

Mary said...

I'm glad you're OK, but I have to say your story made me laugh out loud! :)

connie said...

ONG!! I would have done exactly what you did EXCEPT I would still be outside. I WOULD NEVER have went past the snake!!

liannallama said...

oh, gads! I'm glad you survived your brush with death! I would scream bloody murder if I saw that sucker by my house!

Janet L. said...

Wow, Michelle, you were braver than I was with a snake. I'd stepped out our sliding glass door and turned to close it when saw a HUGE snake laying across the mat, right in front of the door. I guess I'd stepped over him. What do I do? The doors open wide and I'm outside, noone's at home, phone's inside and all that stuff about ratty shirt, no bra, no make-up all applied to me, too! Luckily, after standing there for what seemed like hours,(really about 5 minutes)friends dropped by and the man friend used a stick to shoo the snake away. From then on, we sprinkle that stuff called Snake Go Away or something like that around our house. We're in Missouri and I'm sure my hubby doesn't tell me about the snakes he sees while mowing, etc!! Glad you're ok and Happy Birthday!

stampersim said...

OMG your story is so funny but I can completely relate. If anything could give me a heart attack, it is a snake !!! I am horribly afraid. Growing up in a house that a canyon below it, we had many run-ins with rattlers. Once we had a sidewinder in our backyard when I was out playing and completely oblivious to what was right near me. Mom called the fire department to chop the head off. Good thing you had your Dad to do that for you !!!

Here's another story ... non-snake related ... but just as scary. Because of the canyon we got lots of other gross critters. My sister's boyfriend and his mom were visiting and were looking at the view of the city lights and he looks down at the carpet and picks up what he thought was a leaf and it was a SCORPION !!! He threw it down and yelled at my mom for having them in the house. She said "well, it's not like I invite them in"!! hahaha.

Happy B'day, too !!!

Kathy K. said...

Firstly, lovely cards (as usual of course). And secondly - your description, while completely hilarious DID give me goose bumps and I started sweating FOR you!! YIKES!! Glad you weren't eaten...that you've lived to stamp again. Whew - I'll be greatful for my oh-so noisy citified neighbors!!

Stamping Moments said...

Hee Hee, What a funny Story - Love Love your Blog. We get adders in our garden (South of England UK). One was trying to eat our puppy last year, so I poured bleach on it!!!! And use the broom to push it down the drain. Thinking how brave I was, I then started thinking it would climb up the drain and into the sink!!! So if the bleach wasn't enough I poured boiling water down the sink for about 20 minutes.

I love animals really!!!

Luv jenny x

Expressions of a Creative Mind said...

First off I have to say you were braver than me. I would not have even done what you did other than the screaming and running in the house part. Then it would have taken a crane lift to get me outta the house again...no lie and I live in the country too. I screamed when I ran over one in the car. I HATE SNAKES!!! with a purple passion

Denise ~ Paper Ponderings said...

Yep...it's for sure...you are very, very brave. I think I would have run far and fast...in the other direction. So glad your dad came to the rescue. Whew.

kristie sessions said...

oh sheesh, I am laughing my butt off!!! Especially that part about bad shorts and no bra. It's always those days that you get in a bind of some sort and people can see how you actually dress!! If I had a quarter everytime that happened to me! So glad you didn't get eaten. I would have been SO sad!

Little GTO said...

God love ya. I laughted so hard and loud at the newspaper title my dog started barking at me! You are such a talented artist and now we know you are brave and funny!
Sharon L

Ketha said...

A similiar situation happened to me once. We had been painting the inside of the house and decided to run out and grab a bite to eat. I went barreling out the door and to the truck, turned around and my hubby was still on the porch, staring at the wall (right by the door) Slithering up was THE BIGGEST SNAKE... I screamed and my husband laughed. He grabbed a shovel and pulled it down.. All I could do was yell, "Kill it, Kill it, Kill it" He did but I shook all the way to the restaurant... Yes, country life is all about "critters" too... Glad your experience turned out well.

Adrienne said...

I think your snake was a bull snake and they are "good" snakes because they kill rattlers. Last year a Mohave Green Rattler which are the worse kind wandered into my studio. He perched himself on the rim of a trash can. When he decided to warn me of his presence, he was about 18" away from me. My scream was heard all over the county. I live in Northern Arizona that is rattler country.

Liz said...

OMG! I probably would have stay in the driveway all day. LOL Don't do snakes or rodents. Yak! Hurray for daddies! Glad you are okay.

Karen B said...

OMG. I am so sorry this happened to you, but you told it so well. I was laughing so hard that my husband came in to see what was so funny. This snakes sibling was on my porch two summers ago. I hadn't seen a snake on this farm in my 44 years and two summers ago, we had about 6 visitors. I still don't go out the front or back door without looking first. UGHH...this just means that they are already out there. UGHH. Sorry it happened to you.

Ashley Vaerst said...

You had me laughing so hard at this one. Thanks for making my night. I do have to say that my skin was crawling while reading about the snake though. Glad you made it in the house safe and sound.

Beth said...

Eric -- ya big sissy! LOL!

sarahmartina said...

Thanks for the laugh! I grew up around cows, scorpions, and snakes too! Ewww, and huge spiders!

So glad you made it out alive!

Jen said...

Your stor ymade me laugh so hard i was crying. I even had to read it outloud to my hubby. I laughed harder! hubby immediately said, that's not a rattler, when he saw the pic but couldn't identify it either. May oh man that was a HUGE snake! it's not wonder you were freaked by it. I hope you were brave enough to go out and retrieve your REAL birthday card from the driveway after all was said and done.

Hope you had a wonderful birthday aside from the near death experience!

Kerin said...

OMG! Your story had me on the edge of my seat!!! I've always said I want to live in the country. Last weekend my husband, boys and I rode our bikes in the state forest near our house...we came across a black snake about twice the size of a pencil and I freaked! You were so brave to even try to get by that thing...I think I would have made the car my home for the day! Thanks for sharing :)

lisa w said...

I agree with everyone who found your real-life story super-funny! : ) It was great to have shared a chuckle with you (actually, multiple-big belly-laughs. . .with nearly spilled coffee a couple of times)!

Thanks : )

Lydia said...

HA!!! He's not poisonous though - if their head is triangular, they're poisonous. Which I'm sure didn't matter to you when you were crapping your pants and peeking at his fangs!! He was just a garden snake, although a very well fed one!!!

I'm LMAO!!! Thanks for a great story!!

Marilyn said...

Been there done that! I almost 'crapped' (pardon the French) in my khaki capri's!, but my incident involved an albino water moccasin at the edge of our pond! Talk about hyperventilating! Hubby shot it... I cried like a big baby!
Thank you for sharing your experience... after the initial shock, I laughed so hard I almost fell over. You rox! Marilyn

Gail Genrich said...

Okay, that is truly the funniest story I've read in a long time. You can not only make really cool stuff - you can write really good stories! Thanks for the gut-laugh! I'm glad you lived to tell about it.

J said...

Poisonous or not, I would have freaked. I love how your dad was right there. I hate just looking at the picture! Happy Birthday!!

Anonymous said...

This story is great! What a riot...you are a lot better then me. I would have ran to my neighbors house, or even to town (probably 10 miles away!!) to try and get away from that thing! Nice photo by the way. Enjoy country life! Oh, and the no bra and ratty clothes, that's me too! LOL!

Lisa D. said...

was it a black king snake??!!
enjoyed reading while travelling through Missouri what an experience! I go crazy if I see a garden snake!

Cindy Major said...

The closest I have come to a snake was on vacation. It crawled under the car when we walked out to go grab a bite and we totally forgot about it once we hit the road again. That is, until the nasty little creature came crawling out from under the hood and into the windshield! Now, granted, he is outside and we're inside, but we still can't help but think, is there any way he can crawl into the car? Because if he does, chances are, he'll land right on my mother's feet while she's driving. And we all know this ain't going to end well!
So we took the first exit, and drove for like two miles before we finally found an auto repair shop. The snake was wrapped around the wipers, so they tried to pry it out with prongs and it wouldn't let go. They finally hosed him out of there and then used a long stick to carry it into the woods.

Funny story. Afterwards. I'm sure you know what I mean.

So glad to know you are safe now! And good for you your dad lives so close - mine lives 8 hours away and I'm not married so it means that I would have been the one with the hose... Urgh!

Cindy :)

Gloria Stengel said...

I laughed so hard I almost wet my pants! I grew up in the country...but I still called my dad to rescue me from a man-eating mouse! Only problem was...dad lived in PA and I lived in MN! His advice: whack it with a shovel! I finally put on my big girl pants, plus dh's ski suit and gloves and armed with a broom and dustpan scooped up Mr. Mouse...who was dead by then, thanks to the cats...and tossed him out in the weeds behind the house! LOL

Lori Mueller said...

Oh Mish! I'm ROFLOL at this story! I just LOVE it! I also grew up on the farm and experienced snakes AND Rats! The only time Mom would 'allow' us kids to pick green beans is if she spotted a snake. I HATE snakes, too. Glad you survived, but just loved your story.

Happy belated birthday!!

maryps said...

Mish, your description of the snake incident is hysterical. I feel awful today but you made me laugh out loud. Maybe laughter is the best medicine - I think I feel a bit better!
From the photo I'm guessing that WAS a king snake. FYI: They don't hurt you but they do kill poisonous snakes and rodents. They are really beneficial snakes to have around - especially in the country. I know everyone is thinking "All snakes are bad snakes and should die." I used feel the same way. We live on a huge lake in a residential neighborhood and we see a lot of snakes. The water snakes (not moccasins) like to sun on our ladder and our pier. One day I looked out on my screened porch and my cat was fixated on something in the yard. (She’s strictly an indoor cat but loves to go out on HER porch.) Anyway, she was staring at a snake about the same size as yours but stretched out. It was apparently going somewhere until it sensed Tigger and froze. My first response was FEAR - I wonder if we were traumatized by Eve, the snake, and the apple? Hubby at work, neighbor not at home - just me, the cat, and the snake. Then I remembered a book I had just read (one of the Mrs. Murphy mystery series - great books) where they described a huge king snake and said how beneficial she was for their farm. I called my hubby and described the snake - he verified it was a king snake. As we do have a lot of snakes around here I decided to make nice and bring kitty into the house so the snake could go on about his business. I watched through the glass doors and as soon as he couldn't sense Tigger watching him, he went on his way. I actually got brave enough to go outside and watch (from a comfortable distance for me and the snake). Then I looked up snakes on the internet and there he was - a king snake with all the aforementioned benefits. When my neighbor came home I described MY snake and asked him to please not kill him if he saw him (he and his grandson kill every snake they see). As he had recently stepped on a baby cottonmouth (definitely poisonous) in his driveway, I think he decided MY snake would be a good thing to have around - our very own little hunter of poisonous snakes and mice. Another interesting fact about king snakes: they are immune to the venom of poisonous snakes. I know everyone thinks you should kill all snakes and spiders (I felt the same way and I’m still very wary of them as we have poisonous types of both). As I’ve gotten a little older, I’ve decided to be kinder to critters. If they are no threat to me, I leave them to go on their merry way. Another FYI: Spiders come to live inside your house because there is food for them – other bugs. Anyway, that is enough science lessons for today. Thanks for the laugh.
PS: If the snake meant you no harm, why did he strike at you? HE was afraid of YOU. You were throwing things at him and he was simply defending himself. He didn’t know you just wanted him to move out of your way – he thought you were trying to kill him.

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